Gut Feelings
by SimonWi
Summary: Donatello has been left shaken by events involving April and is questioning what to do. Maybe a heart-to-heart with Splinter will help. My first story for this site. Let me know what you think


Donatello walked down the sewer tunnels in a daze. She was fine. April was fine. The Kraang had come so close to taking her, and when they dropped her… Donatello had felt time stand still as he dove to stop her falling from the roof to the cold hard New York streets below, only to grab nothing but air. If Mikey just hadn't been on the balcony below… He shook his head to get rid of the image before it could take permanent residence in his psyche, only to hear the snort and giggles in his ears. He glared at his brothers as he entered the living area. Michelangelo was covering his mouth, trying to hold in his laughter, while Raphael was smirking and shaking his head while watching some show on TV. Leonardo was sitting cross-legged on the floor, more interested in the sharpening in his katana blades than teasing his brother. The grin on his face suggested that we wasn't going to stop the others having fun just yet.

"Shut up," said Donatello. "Just shut up."

"Jeez, Donnie, could you be any more obvious?" said Raphael. "What was it? I'll walk you the lid. It's no problem." He shook his head again.

Michelangelo slapped Donatello on the shoulder. "Don't give him a hard time Raph. Donnie just wanted a little TLC from April as well. I'm pretty sure he got a scraped finger she needed to look at…"

He started making kissing noises, making the others laugh. The noises echoed in Donatello's ears, only stopping when he shoved Michelangelo, causing his brother to stagger back fall over the arm of the sofa. Raphael tried to move but was crushed by Michelangelo's shell.

"Can it Mikey," snapped Donatello.

He stomped through the living area and entered his workshop. The door was slammed shut, leaving Leonardo open-mouthed. Raphael grunted in anger as he pushed Michelangelo off him.

"What's stuck in his shell?" he muttered.

On the other side of the room, Master Splinter looked at his three sons then to the door of Donatello's workshop.

Inside his private room, Donatello was sitting at his desk, tinkering with one of his many gadgets and half-finished projects. Normally, it could keep him occupied for hours, but this night he couldn't concentrate. He angrily pushed them away, closed his eyes and rubbed his temples while trying to remember Splinter's lessons about meditation and relaxation.

"My son."

Donatello spun round to see Splinter.

"Master Splinter! I didn't hear you come in."

"To teach Ninja, one must also be Ninja."

Donatello shrugged. "I guess."

"What is the matter Donatello?" asked Splinter. "You are not usually so aggressive with your brothers."

Donatello poked the gap between his teeth as he looked away, hoping that his cheeks didn't look as hot and red as they felt. "I'm sorry Sensei," he said quietly.

Splinter placed a tender hand on his son's shoulder. "A problem shared is a problem halved."

"Are you running out of Japanese proverbs?" Donatello asked with a small smile. "That's an English one."

"It is," said Splinter. "It is also a true one."

Donatello sighed. "I don't really know where to start."

"Is it about April?" asked Splinter. "I heard what your brothers were saying."

"Yes," said Donatello.

"Does she know how you feel?"

Donatello shook his head. "To be more accurate I haven't said anything to her outright. It's… complicated. Even more after tonight."

Splinter scratched his head. "She was hurt?"

"No," said Donatello. "Not this time, but I've been thinking about what would have happened if Mikey hadn't been there. That might still happen, Master. She could be taken, or hurt or… or…" He couldn't bring himself to say the word out loud, but the simple thought of April being killed made him shudder. "But I can't stop her. She won't stay on the sidelines safe no matter how much times I would ask or tell her. And I wanted to tell her. I had to bite my tongue to make sure I didn't. But I know she won't listen. Her father's a captive and we have no idea what's happened to him. I wouldn't listen if it was you jailed up somewhere. Why should it be different for her?"

"It is understandable to fear for her Donatello. She is your friend."

"And she's also Leo's friend and Mikey's friend and Raph's friend," replied Donatello. "And she's your student."

"I would like to think friend too," said Splinter. "Is it such a bad thing to have her as one?"

"Of course not," said Donatello. "But we don't have many friends, or the chance to make friends, because of who we are. _What_ we are. April is one of our few friendly link to up there, and if I say something, what if she takes it wrong and breaks away from us? We'd all lose out because I put myself ahead of us. What if they end up resenting me, or hating me for it?"

Splinter did not reply. He simply kept his hand on Donatello's shoulder, listening as his son spoke.

"And let's be honest. What kind of life could I give her anyway? "Donatello continued. "I can't take her to the movies or out for pizza or give her a normal life. It's impossible." He rubbed his face. "I have thought about it back and forth in different ways for so long, and the logical thing is just to leave it as it is, where it's all manageable, but then I see her and think about her, and I just… Complicated isn't the word Master. Every time I look at it, it always ends with me losing something. It's… it's just not _fair_."

Splinter squeezed Donatello's shoulder. "Ah, my son," he said. "I understand more than you know. It's in your stomach. An ache that's full of anger, fear, doubt and loss."

"You feel it too?"

"Every time you and your brothers go to the surface," replied Splinter. "Every parent feels it. And I feel it when I think of Tang Shen and Mika. I feel that ache every single day."

"I've not felt that one," said Donatello. "Almost, but not yet."

Splinter turned Donatello in his chair. He looked into his son's eyes. "Donatello, you are looking for logic in something that logic cannot easily be applied," he said. "Your worries about April are shared by me but she is a young woman with great potential. She has strength that she is not yet aware of and that we should never underestimate. Your brothers will defend and protect her just as you would and they will _always _be there for you. That bond is unbreakable."

"But I can't give her a normal life," said Donatello.

"My son, she has not lived a normal life since her father was taken," said Splinter. "And is it possible that she may not want a normal life? That what she wants is the same as what you want? Trust your instincts as well as your mind. When the time is right, tell her."

"But when is the time right?" asked Donatello.

"When you think it is my son. Does it feel right at this moment? Do not think. Just answer."

"No," said Donatello. "We find her uncle, stop Shredder and the Kraang first. "Very well. But when you believe the moment has come, tell her. Because not knowing will always be the worst thing for you.

Donatello nodded, stood and bowed. "_Arigato _Sensei. I think need to speak to Mikey as well."

Splinter nodded and led Donatello to the door.

"The ache never goes away though, does it Master?" Asked Donatello.

"No my son, it does not. But they are always tempered with fond memories and the love of those around me. Happiness has its place next to them Donatello. There is always a place for happiness and love in all their forms"

"I know there is," said Donatello, placing his arm round Splinter. "Known that all my life."

And so father and son left the workshop to join the rest of their family.


End file.
